i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
