Quick, to the slutcave!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
