i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
