I wish I could punch you in the face.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
