For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
