i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
