Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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