Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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