i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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