At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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