OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
