Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
