i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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