dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize