it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
