Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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