I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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