Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
