it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
