I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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