I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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