Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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