Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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