i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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