also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
