I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
