My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
