I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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