this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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