Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize