mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
