The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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