Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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