I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
