So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
