I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
