I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize