the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
