I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
