he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
