Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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