are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
