we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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