Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
