so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
