it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
