I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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