yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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