:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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