Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
