I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
