i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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