I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
