I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
