he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
