Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
