i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
