I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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