My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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