I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
