Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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