There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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