"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Life without a bra equals bliss.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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